Girl Crush

Do you have one?

I am a woman in my 30s and I have been single for about 3 years now. I don’t have time to be in a relationship because of work and of course, because of this pandemic. I am not open to dating apps such as Bumble or Tinder; I prefer the old fashioned way – meeting in person, or through a friend.

So what else can I do now but to admire someone at work? Having to find someone in the office is hard because I don’t find anybody attractive except for this one lady. Yes, she’s a woman ; she is in her 30s too. A very strong and smart person handling her own team and we are friends. She doesn’t know that I like like her. I’ve been hiding this fondness when I was still seeing someone way back 2017. I never acted on it because she’s in a heterosexual relationship and I’m sure she’s very much in love. I’m just here for her as a friend and it’s so hard you know? Being there and seeing her happy or in pain. We have been exchanging flirty banters and I like it. I’m not really sure if those are flirty at all but that’s the closest I can get to being that close to someone like her. She shares her secrets and problems with me and I to her. But since I really like her, I can’t really share a lot about me because I don’t want to be exposed. I don’t want to lose her and her friendship.

Recently we had dinner and she brought up this relationship topic and all I could tell her was ‘I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THAT’. I can’t, even though I really wanted to tell her that ‘It’s you; it’s so hard because I can’t have you’. I’m avoiding the topic because I can’t tell her. No puedo.

I already know the answer to my question and I’m sure I’m in denial. I’m in so deep and I can never have her.

What are your thoughts? Do I tell her?

Am I The Only One With Butterflies?

So I started watching this Korean Lesbian webseries and it’s making me sooooo giddy!!!

Here it is if you want to watch it!

I’m so excited for the next episodes I cannot wait. It makes me miss moments with my crush ❤

Manager Lee iin this story is also here in wordpress – https://yuhalee.wordpress.com/

She’s a Korean actress and I admire her a lot. I just wish to see an episode in her perspective. To see if she feels the same way about Jung-ah.

Gone

He left us.

He left my mother.

He left and made a convenient excuse.

An excuse that will give him the freedom to be with his woman child.

He left and saved himself.

He should have done it before.

Before when they were younger.

My mother fought for and with you and you still left.

The pain that she must be feeling now is twice as much when you started loving someone else.

Don’t come back – because if you do, I would still take you back.

Don’t come back and let my mother heal – because if you do, I’m sure she would take you back

You are her first great love after all..

Hope

That feeling when you want to try wanting someone but you’re scared that she might run away like the others before her.

That feeling when your heart searches for home but there’s nothing coming

That feeling when your fear is living and dying alone because you’re too damn scared of letting people in

Your walls may be too high but try to let some climb and reach you

It may never be too late. And you’d be surprised that you’re not the only one having the same feelings and fears

Broken

I’ve been hurt too many times and now I don’t know if I can still find someone who will love me for my broken pieces

No longer need you

I needed you once

I can’t be needing you now because when I needed you, you were already needing somebody else

They wish

They all wish they were me – the strong person who never falters when the cheater comes back begging and crying. The person who never gave second chances. The person who doesn’t seem to care what happens to the person they broke up with. The person who doesn’t seem to care about the good memories spent with those people she had been with

But I wish I were like them – the people who faces pain head on. The people who still find it in their hearts to forgive and to accept despite the faults done to them. The people who treasures those memories and makes it their reason to hold on

I have been hurt too many times that I have been broken and maybe unrepairable. A shattered glass or maybe a wilted flower. That no matter how much you glue together or water, the marks will still be apparent or still dead and dry.

Crush

When I see you, I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach
Feeling giddy but no birds flying
Your presence doesn’t make me edgy
But I do want to see you

I want to hear you talk
Know how you think
How you reason
I’m interested in your mind

I don’t have a crush on you
I have a crush on your mind
I don’t envy you
I admire your mind

I’m attracted to intelligence
To analysis and problem solving
You have it
I want it.

See the world.

When you were younger, all you could ever think about was school and hanging out with friends. Having them come over for conversations or go bowling and pizza. As you get older, probably right after college and into the jungle we call the corporate world, you long for that feeling of looking forward to something – to get away from the stress and noise of the city and to be refreshed, to live outside of your own little world. You can’t anymore bring all of your friends with because of their own busy schedules and you make do with those who can.

I was introduced to travel by my father. One Friday night over dinner in high school, my father mentioned that he wanted to go to the beach the next morning. He had us pack all our stuff right after and away we went the following day. He just spontaneously brings us anywhere his mind thinks of. I picked that up and to this day, I randomly schedule days to go far off the city. Away from people I know, from stress, and toxicity. It makes me feel more like myself, seeing different cultures and people. Exploring their cities and establishments – the places they buy stuff and the places they go to to relax. It’s like proving that you’re not really alone; and that you share the same interests and also problems.

As long as you are young, you should go and explore the world. You are never too young to travel. Never too young to meet other people. And never too young to dream.

Appreciation

2014 was a great year for us. I can’t remember how many times I caught my breath – traveling to new places, running around, seeing the fireworks display, surfing and appreciating all the little surprises. It’s been a year of having these undefinable feelings that only you can give. Moments filled with love that make my heart swell. I dont know how you’ve managed to make me fall in love with you again and again.

It was also a transformative year because we’ve learned to adjust more to our needs. We’ve chosen the path to kindness which makes it easier for us to compromise. Our relationship is not perfect, but knowing that you’re willing to stick it out with me til the end is more than enough for me.

You have made me a better person in a short span of time. And it’s reflected in my work and my relationship with my family.

I’ll never get tired of saying how lucky I am to be loved by you. And when you came into my life, everything fell into place.