I don’t know what to do Continue reading
Hello there. I am new to blogging. I am not always like this-sad and lonely (as you have read in my previous posts). I am a fun and carefree person but I prefer to detach myself from all the happiness and write about the opposite of it. There is something in me, it may be strange you might think, that wants to focus on this dark, desolated side and make it beautiful in every reader’s eyes.
I love the sun, trees, flowers, birds. I love the city, buildings, even the traffic I have come to find exciting.
I love the suburbs, rice fields, farms. Also, the smell of burning wood and leaves that people do in the provinces makes me feel relaxed.
What I love most is the beach. How I would love to quit the city for the sea and ride the waves. How I’d like to stare into the endless and overflowing seawater and just get lost til sunset. I adore how I can witness the sunset as I lay on the beach alone with a drink in my hand. The most peaceful state that I would never, ever trade for anything, ever, at all.
I am grateful for all the beauty this world has been too generous to offer.
One subject that’s making me quite anxious is the opposite of happiness. Do you not? No matter how happy people may perceive you, they just don’t know how you really feel. Is it because you don’t let them? You don’t want to tell them the reason why because you don’t want them to feel bad for you or you don’t want them to become as miserable as you? You don’t want your grief to rub off on them that you’ll be miserable together? OR you just don’t know the reason why you’re melancholic, you just are? And others don’t understand this. They just don’t. Some people call it depression. Some call it bipolar disorder. Some call it what, too emotional? I don’t know. Could it also be that you’re just too happy you don’t know how to get it out of you except to feel suddenly worse?
People mainly are the source of all mixed feelings. Joy, sadness, anger, fear, bravery, awe, jealousy, and love. All these we all have felt. Some, simultaneously. These feelings make us stronger as a person. I don’t want to expound on this but I know you get me.
But really, excuse my weirdness as I write about the other side of what most of us feel. What some would want to avoid feeling. I’m just doing something different from the usual. I want to apologize in advance too if you remember any bad memory/memories everytime you read my posts.
If Peter Pan were a girl
Oh that mark….
The stain that you will forever carry..
A constant reminder of what?
Of Happiness, even?
That cannot be erased,
Cannot be undone…
Oh what I’d do…
What I could have done…
What I won’t…
What I couldn’t…
What I would never…
The mind thinks what it thinks
Even when unimaginable
The skin feels what it feels
Even when untouchable
The heart wants what it wants
Even when impossible
Sometimes, we want things we do not need
Sometimes, we want to feel something we cannot reciprocate
Sometimes, we long for love we cannot have
And the irony that goes with living it.